SUGARKAHNE
09-30-2006, 10:34 PM
OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat
all summer long, building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
and starving.
CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this
be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing,
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group
kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with
Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back
of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire an
proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and
the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up
the last bits of the ant's food while the government house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over
by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
all summer long, building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
and starving.
CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this
be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing,
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group
kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with
Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back
of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire an
proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and
the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up
the last bits of the ant's food while the government house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over
by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican