One skunk down... a true story of personal victory and the woes of battle.

[Jeramie]

One down.... probably several more to go. It all started last week with a post about skunks in my building and ends like this...

I have a large pole light and they love to eat the bugs under it. The other night I saw one of my wife’s cats sitting in the drive staring at the light. I know that cat loves to watch skunks so I grabbed the 20ga and 2 #4 shells and slipped out....

It was kind of fun... I acted like a sniper under the cover of night. I squatted and basically crawled up behind the cellar, keeping the cat in sight so I could gauge his responses to the skunk’s activity. I looked over my shoulder to see the wife standing at the storm door waiting patiently.

Like a navy seal I used two fingers and hand signals to tell my wife the plan of attack. It started with pointing to my face, making the walking motion with those two fingers, and then gestured around the cellar. The plan was flawless, however I did quickly realize I had forgot my face paint and boxers and a white t-shirt were not necessarily the best outfit for a stealthy attack against hostels. I looked back to my wife for conformation. Her brows covered her eyes by roughly 3/4 and she mouthed, What are you talking about? Just kill the stupid thing....

I had the go codes from command. I slipped to the edge of the cellar, reaching down along to way to smudge dew wetted dirt on my face for cover. I quickly fashioned a ghillie suit from an old feed sack sitting by the trash. I knew it wouldn’t blend into my surroundings but skunks do love horse feed so at the very least maybe he would be destracted by the brightly colored, 12% protein bag I was wearing.

As I rounded the edge of the cellar I noticed the cat was missing. How could I be so careless? In my attempt to be an effect skunkinator I totally forgot one of the most important rules, never lose sight of the enemy. My informant had come up missing and it was all my fault. Was he being held for ransom? Would I get a letter in the mail containing three kitten toes or perhaps the length of trimmed whiskers? What if they torture him like putting tape on his feet, panty hose over his head, or even rubbing a balloon the wrong way against his fur to build a static charge? My God.... why did you create these creatures. They are nothing less than ruthless killers whose only way of being tracked is the scent they leave. They are like ninjas...stinky night ninjas that can enter any building and setup residence. They torture other small animals and help themselves to horse feed! My God the humani......

"Meow..."

MY cover was blown. It was now or never. I scratched kitty for good luck. He purred, arched his back as if to say, "Delta bravo, we have a go."

I rushed the last few seconds, it was all a blur. I rounded the cellar, firearm raised. There she was, her eyes like fire glowing in the luminescence of the pole light. Her teeth long and pointy.... and actually pretty white for a skunk. I wonder if they have a good dental plan?..... don’t lose focus... I bore down on her hard. Why didn’t I call for air support? What if she sprays, or has friends? It was sloppy, too sloppy but I had no choice, there I stood face to face with a killer...cold and unyielding...

Her body pulsed, she puffed, her stature changed instantly and it all turned to slow motion, the training took over then. Her tail began to rise, I kicked off the safety, my finger found the trigger. The shotgun bucked under the explosion, the night lit up in a violent rage as a thousand tiny balls of heated death sought a lethal path through dark cold air to their target. She dropped, squirmed, and then went for her tail again. The action on the shotgun was smooth, the empty shell slammed to the gravel in the drive with a hollow plunk, plunk..... plunk. The next shell slid into the action and once again the shotgun bucked, spewing flame like a dragon claiming a village. It was over....

I stood with victory over the battle field looking at my fallen enemy. We really aren’t that different, her and I. We need the same things. Food, water, and can anybody find me....somebody to love... (sorry, I think I have A.D.D. and that really is a great song by Queen).

"Did you get it?" She shouted from the door..

Yeah, yeah I got it......

"Daddy can I poke it with a stick?"

"No girls... You stay inside. You don’t need to see this, just yet. Reality is hard. Life isn’t always beautifu....."

"For the love of God hush and get that stupid thing away from the yard so it doesn't stink the place up.."

"Yes dear...."

It was at that point I realized, maybe she wasn’t so dangerous because she was a skunk. Maybe it was her nature. Maybe it was a cold ruthless animal because.....it was female! Dun...dun....dun.........

[redkneck]

I love it! And who said there wasn't anything to do in Okieland?

Good you remembered your training and followed through with a double-tap!

[redkneck]

Although it still wasn't as good as the time I kicked one, maybe next time you can try out without the gun.

[Jeramie]

I love it! And who said there wasn't anything to do in Okieland?

Good you remembered your training and followed through with a double-tap!

I love good military movies... who knew that would pay off some day... I tried singing Lost That Loving Feeling to my wife later (from top gun). That training was not as effective as it was portrayed in the movie.... Oh, and fyi... women do not like the code name Goose. I tried that on the next time we went somewhere in her minivan. The Toyota does handle pretty well actually...

[Jeramie]

Probably not but it would have likely won you 10K on AFV.

[OKstate]

Thats one heck of a skunk story!

[Shaun_300]

LOL! That's quite the story Jeramie, congrats on the victory!

[The_Kat]

Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome

[gzilla45]

Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome

Agreed.

[RangerClay]

Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome

That was my first thought!! Great story!!

Congrats on the skunk. I'm surprised it didn't spray. Usually a shotgun blast is a surefire way for them to squirt.

[bowhunter97]

lol is there really apost of the year competition??? n great story

[whitetailfreak55]

Lol hilarious that cracked me up

[toddyboman]

Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome

[Dawg]

Semper Fi, Soldier

[Mathews XT Man]

congrats .... guess i woulda just said I shot a skunk..