An Idiots Journal(not real)

[MCH]

Went scouting for the first time this morning. You know if them deer would just walk side by side my four-wheeler would fit on their trails a lot easier.
Didn't see any deer but I did hear that new song by Toby Keith on my portable stereo. "I Wanna Talk about MEEE". Was singing that the rest of the day.

I did find a nice tree to put up a lock-on stand. See my stomach started hurting so I stopped the four-wheeler to do a little paper-work. After I got up, I noticed the tree I was leaning against was perfect. Should be easy to find, too, with all that white paper underneath it.

Well, I'm gonna go take a nap. Wore me out today. Found out after I got home that my four-wheeler had an oil leak. Must of leaked out 3 quarts. Didn't find any in the truck. Don't know where it could've went.

[size="1"][ 05-05-2002, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: mccurtain ][/size]

[MCH]

Sorry to write back so soon, but I had to tell you what happened tonight.

Well, after my nap, I went to fix my four-wheeler and found out that my drain plug was missing. So I drove back out to my hunting spot to look for it.

I started walking down the path I had made with my four-wheeler and you'll never guess what I saw.....Every single bush had been rubbed!!!!!!

No lie, seriously. The same saplings that I had ran over that very morning had been rubbed!!!! I couldn't believe it. Looked like a skidder had hit 'em.

Boys, I'm gonna git a big'un this year.

P.S. I found my drain plug by my "white paper" tree. It was easy to find all I had to do was follow the smell of oil and there it was. As luck would have I am now going to be able to find my tree without a flashlight. I'll just use my nose.

[MCH]

WHERE ARE ALL THE DANG DEER!!!

Been hunting almost everyday. I've been hunting my honey hole, too.

Spent most of my time watching the flies carry off what's left of my 'paperwork'.

I even hid my four-wheeler like Buckee suggested. I couldn't find any bushes so I just take a tarp with me and tie the middle of it to my stand. Acts like a tent over my four-wheeler. Plus in the mornings I leave the four-wheeler running and I cut a small hole in the tarp. Funnels that heat right up there to me!!! Who needs HotHands when you got a brain like mine?

Anyway, found out something interesting. Did ya'll know that four-wheelers emit something called carbon monoxide? Me neither. Well, get this. If you breathe enough of it, you could pass out!! And if you pass out when you are 15 feet off the ground, even if you have a safety harness on, it hurts like heck. Lucky for me, our local game warden found me. Didn't know a person could hang like that for 27 hours.

Anyway, gotta go. Wife wants me to go take out some more life insurance for some reason. You know if I was a worry wart, I'd be wondering why she didn't report me missing. Cya'll later.

[MCH]

Well boys, this sure has been an eventful season so far.

Had to give up on hunting my honey hole. Not because I wasn't seeing any deer but on count of all the buzzards!

You see, my friend and I came up with this brilliant idea. You know how you always see them deer crossing the highways. Well, we decided to bring the highways to them. We came up with a scent that was for sure gonna drive them deer crazy. It was a cross between burnt rubber and road kill. We called it "RottenRubber".

Well, we drew straws and I was the lucky 'field tester'.

Within five minutes of applying the scent, I heard something crashing through the woods towards me. I turned around in time to see a pack of coyotes coming straight towards me with their noses in the air.

I raised my gun to shoot, when suddenly something landed on the barrel of my gun. It was the biggest.....UGLIEST.....dang thing I've ever seen. A buzzard!! And it wasn't alone. I counted pert near 30 buzzards in my tree!!!

Well, I guess ya'll have seen those westerns where the cowboy jumps off the second floor of a building and lands on his horse? Well, I'd estimate that I was at least 20 feet in the air and when I landed astraddle my four-wheeler, let me tell ya.....wasn't no riding off into the sunset for me. Pert near knocked my butt off!

Needless to say, there was another doctor visit in my future. Doctor said that he'd never seen a pelvic bone split down the middle like mine. Also said that I wouldn't have to worry about getting constipated any time soon.

Well gotta go take some antacid. Ate some Mexican food tonight and let me tell ya.....I'm in REAL pain. And I thought kidney stones were bad.

[MCH]

Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaw! Finally got my deer boys! An eight pointer with a 20 inch spread! Woooohooooo! Here's the story:

Bow season is still going down here in Oklahoma, so I was up in my stand with my trusty homemade longbow Tuesday morning. Ya'll oughta see my longbow. Made it from one of those deep sea fishing poles. I'd estimate the pull to be about 150 lbs. That's why I use them crossbow arrows in it.

Anyway, there I was 6 feet off the ground in my treestand.(read previous posts if you're wondering why so low) A huge buck came walking within 30 yds of me. I pointed my longbow at him and let it rip. Wellll........it ripped alright! Ripped the hide right off of my arm!

As I was screaming in pain, I noticed the buck had not run off! He was walking closer with a puzzled look on his face. I decided there was only one thing I could do.....So I jumped onto his back planning to slice his neck with my knife.

It wasn't until I was on his back and going 60 miles an hour through the woods that I realized that I had left my knife at home! So I improvised. I grabbed my truck keys and began sawing away at the buck's neck. This did not work. It only seemed to speed him up. Plus a sapling knocked my keys out of my hand. At this time, I do not care for killing this buck. I just wanted to get off without killing me!

Anyway, if you've been keeping up with my posts you're probably thinking, "This guy is intelligent, he'll figure a way out this jam." Well, you'd be right. I put my massive intellect to work and came up with a fool-proof plan!

So there we are: the buck going 80 miles an hour through he woods and me holding on his antlers for dear life. Suddenly, I remove my hands from his antlers and I use them to cover up his eyes! Now he can't see where he is going so I figured that he would just stop and I could hop off.


Wroonnnnggg. The dang buck didn't stop. He just went faster! So there we are doing 100 hundred miles an hour through the woods with my hands over his eyes. All of a sudden, I look up and there's a huge oak tree headed our way. I pull my hands off his eyes so he could dodge it....but it didn't help. I estimate we were doing pert near 120 miles an hour when we hit that tree.

The dang buck broke his neck and died insantly. Luckily, I got my hands up in time to cushion the impact. Broke both my arms in 10 different places.

To make a long story short, I was finally found, 6 days later by the local game warden. I was five miles from my stand and a little disoriented. Seems I had been keeping company with a pack of coyotes and had eaten most of my buck.

Anyway, I'm gonna leave the gory details out. My doctor said I should heal physically in no time. I asked him about mentally and he said the odds were against it.

Well, I'm not gonna be able to get out for a while. Hopefully, I'll be better by turkey season.

P.S. By the way, I'm a single man now. It seems my wife thought I was dead so she went and married my best friend. When I came back the law was gonna get her for bigamy. So I did the right thing and divorced her. She shouldn't be punished for my misfortune.



[ 12-30-2001: Message edited by: mccurtaincountyhunter ]</p>

[MCH]

Just thought I'd drop a line to let ya'll know that I'm still alive.

Only 5 more weeks and the casts come off!!

Had my big eight point mounted. Boy, you ought to see him. Standing there with that big two inch piece of tree trunk sticking off his antlers. Taxidermist thought about cutting it off, but he said them antlers was so far into that tree that it would take six months just to chisel it off!

You're probably asking yourself how I'm typing right now. Well, I'm not, my buttwiper is. It seems now that I'm in these casts, there is a lot of things that I can't do that I used to, hence the name "buttwiper". She said she don't mind me calling her that, as long as I don't give ya'll her real name.

Well guys, gotta go. Hopefully, next time ya'll hear from me, I'll be in the woods after some turkeys!! I don't think they run near as fast as them deer. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Canadian Deer Hunter]

Thats some pretty funny stuff.LOL I should check these forums more often. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Tony]

mch yea it wont be to long till those turkeys start gobbling. i hope you will continue to post gere during your turkey season.
buttwiper is a good name how about itch scratcher or something else ! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]
hope you recover soon .
good hunting========&gt;tony

[MCH]

Howdy guys......I'm back after another round with ole death himself. Seems that old boy won't leave me alone. I guess you're wondering what happened this time, so here goes.....

This here story has to do with my first experience with shed hunting.

I took off early one morning, hoping to maybe spot some deer. Must've searched for three hours with no luck. Couldn't find a shed no where. I even followed the old rub-line of mine and "nothing".

I was on my way to the house, when I spotted my first shed. Now don't get me wrong...I've seen lots of sheds but have never found one while hunting for em. Needless to say, I was pretty excited. Couldn't wait to tell ole Kansan and them. So I ran over to it, picked it up, and placed it on my four wheeler. I didn't leave right away(which was my first mistake), I started to admire my first shed. I've heard them boys in the shed hunting room describe sheds that they had found, but nothing prepared me for mine. Mine reminded me of a half moon.

Well, I decided to step back and get a better view of it(which was my second mistake), when all of a sudden, the ground disappeared from under my feet and the next thing I new I was falling. Must've fallen pert near 10 feet before I hit the ground. Would've been seriously hurt, if it weren't for the water and soft mush on the bottom of the hole.

I guess my hollering woke up my neighbor and he came running out with his gun.

How was I supposed to know that this particluar shed was an "outhouse". Glad my nose was stopped up or that smell would've killed me. Gonna have to tell my neighbor to start eating some more fiber though.

Well, as you probably know, he didn't let me keep the shed, so I guess I'll go back out tomorrow to find another....cya'll later.

[buckee]

.... [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] LMBO....ROF.....LMBO [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] ......
You crack me up man, you too much. You had me hooked, thought it was a real shed story....the half moon didn't even tip me off. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[MCH]

Well guys...this year has been a year of firsts. First time shed hunting, first time falling in an open sewer, and first time turkey scouting.

Yep, you heard me right......I went turkey scouting last week and I might have just stumbled upon an invention that will revolutionize the art of calling turkeys. Here's the story.

Got up early last Wednesday morning to go scouting. I heard guys from the Turkey Hunting forums in here harking on pre-season scouting, so I gathered my gear and took off to do some of my own.

Well, there I am walking in the woods with my Knight and Hale Hen call in my mouth and I'm letting a couple of clucks go every 3 minutes or so. If you've ever felt like you're being followed then you'll know what kind of feeling I was experiencing. I swore something was right behind me but everytime I looked back....nothing.

Since I'm not the "brave" type, I picked up my pace and directed myself towards the hasienda. That's when I found out what was after me...........a BOBCAT!!

Apparently, the bobcat thought I was the biggest turkey in the woods and he had a big appetite. Well, he jumped on me like a fat guy on a buffet.

This as you probably guessed, scared the crap out of me.....literally. Well, the bobcat must've caught a wiff of my "crap" and he made a beeline away from me. Guess he thought I was spoilt or something.

Anyway, I get up and brush myself off and start running to the house(told ya I'm not the brave type). Well, while I'm running I realize that I have lost my Knight and Hale mouth call! But I decide that it is not worth going back to look for, plus my butt was getting pretty chaffed by then.

Well, let's fast forward to Friday night. I'm laying in bed asleep, when a sound wakes me up. It's a turkey gobbling! And he's right outside my window!! He's just giving it his all out there under my mercury light!!

Well, as I'm standing there watching him strut, my stomach tells me its time to pass a little gas, so I let a little out. Well.....instead of the usual sound that you would associate with passing gas........a perfect Hen call comes out. 'Bout scared the crap out of me. Apparently, I had swallowed my Knight and Hale mouth call and it had lodged perfectly in my rectum. So as, everytime, I passed gas, a Hen call would erupt from my butt. And I must've been passing gas in my sleep. That would explain the Tom turkey in my yard.

Luckily, I had eaten Mexican that night, so I got to talk with the tom outside for a good hour or so that night.

Anyways, talk about your "hands free" turkey calls!! As long as you've got the wind in the right direction, you could call all day long.

I'm gonna test it this Saturday on opening day here in Oklahoma. Plan on swallowing another Knight and Hale Hen call Thursday night and I'm eating at an all you can eat Mexican resturaunt Friday night.

I'll keep you guys informed on how I do.

Cya.

[size="1"][ 04-03-2002, 09:17 AM: Message edited by: mccurtaincountyhunter ][/size]

[buckee]

Let's go slam some turkeys Mc. You don't mind if i take my position up-wind from ya just a tad ehh.
LMBO.....ROF.
Better watch you back for bobcats.....LOL [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[snapper]

You just ain't right! [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

[buckee]

LOL....can't wait for your fishin stories, should be good and educational too.....LOL [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[MCH]

Well, guys, this is gonna be a short post.

I haven't been able to get out into the woods lately. And I have officially nixed the "hands free" call of mine.

I didn't realize it until about a week after the swallowing incident, but I was not having bowel movements! Apparently, the call had become lodged in a way that completely blocked off "anything" that tried to pass by it!!

Needless to say, I began to swell up like a helium balloon. It only took 5 hours of surgery to remove the obstruction, and I will be bedridden for the next week or so.

As soon as I'm able, I'll be getting some fishing in,though. And for those of you who think I'm an expert at hunting........wait till you hear about my fishing!!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]