9 Things Duck Hunters Never Say on Facebook

By author of The Duck Blog

Even during summer, waterfowlers obsess about cupped wings and muddy dogs

"Boy, I really hope it doesn't get cold this fall and winter," posted no duck hunter ever. Photo © Nick Costas

Waterfowlers stand out during summer. They favor backwater mud runs over pleasure boating and cut family vacations short because the guys needed a fifth shooter for trap league.

That also holds true on social media, where you can see duck hunters interrupting the steady stream of fishing and camping posts with photos of frozen marshes or an ice-covered Chessie. I guess we’re creatures of an obsessive habit.

Of course, there are some things you'll never see a duck hunter say on Facebook. Like these: 

1) “87, still and humid. Oh, can we please stop the clock in July? Shorter nights, cool breezes and the onset of autumn are uncomfortably close right now.”

2) “Whiffed on the high birds from stations 2, 3 and 4 last night in skeet. Feeling really good about my shooting, and I’m ready for those crossing bluebills.”

3) “Dog broke on the first dummy I threw in the back yard. Then she spit it out and looked at me. Ah, I’ll let it slide. She’ll probably be fine opening day.”

“Yes! The local outdoors writer just published a big feature on my favorite marsh, complete with a map and GPS coordinates. This spot will finally receive the attention it deserves.”

4) “A 5-year-old boat battery should be OK come November, right? Plenty of cranking amps for cold mornings? (Asking for a friend.)"

5) “Hey, everyone! Here’s a photo of the pothole I plan to hunt on the opener. Take the first channel that cuts west off the paved landing, and then follow it about a quarter-mile. Let’s get everyone together that morning for a memorable hunt.”

6) “Please stop filling my timeline with photos of your December cornfield hunts. Biting north winds and fat mallards don’t interest me, especially when they interrupt updates about The Bachelorette."

7) “Those despicable geese have eaten all the grass along this lakeshore. I really hope the town shoos them away before September so they can’t descend in droves on local oat and wheat fields.”

8) “Yes! The local outdoors writer just published a big feature on my favorite marsh, complete with a map and GPS coordinates. This spot will finally receive the attention it deserves.”

9) “Did you see Lovett’s latest “Duck Blog?” Man, that was the best post I’ve ever read.”

Hey, who slipped that in there? I thought I’d hidden the laptop from my retriever. Next, she’ll be posting jokes about all the ducks I missed this past fall. Come to think of it, those memories might keep me sane until the opening bell in a few weeks. Plus, a guy can only miss so many high birds in skeet.

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