Grandpa Reacts to Internet Duck Hunters

Our old waterfowling sage Grandpa has become more technologically savvy, and lately he's been perusing Facebook, reading tweets, watching YouTube videos and even scrolling through Instagram.

He's perplexed at the way modern hunters interact via social media. In fact, folks from his generation sometimes view the online duck and goose hunting scene with cocked eyebrows and quizzical looks. Recently, we shared some posts with Grandpa and recorded his comments. Here's what he had to say:

Post: My dog won't retrieve ducks. He swims at them, bumps them with his nose but then comes back to the blind. What should I do?

Grandpa: (head in hands) It's called training. And it starts with the day your puppy comes home until the moment he retires. Put in effort instead of expecting miracles from a clueless dog.

Post: A hunter holds up three greenheads and gives the sign of the horns hand gesture to the camera.

Grandpa: Looks like a good shoot. But were you duck hunting or at a metal concert? Or a Texas Longhorns game? Do you just want to be noticed?

Post: Close-up of a dead duck with its bill shoved into the muzzle of a shotgun.

Grandpa: That's the worst photograph I've ever seen. Even worse than the neurosurgeon giving the horns. A tailgate pile or your foot on a bird's neck would be more tasteful. Show some respect.

Post: Tailgate pile shot with a caption including the term beatdown.

Grandpa: Congratulations on a great day. I used to take a lot of pile pictures, too. But you know what I see when I go through my photo albums? Piles of dead ducks. Take more pictures of dogs, your buddies and sunrises. You'll appreciate them when you're older. Trust me.

Post: Can someone help me identify this duck?

Grandpa: (eyes roll) Maybe you should just call the federal game warden and ask. Study up, because you have to learn to ID ducks on the wing and, at minimum, birds in hand. If you can't distinguish an immature drake bluebill from a juvenile drake ringneck, you might want to take up another hobby.

Post: Video showing a long-range smackdown on a duck or goose.

Grandpa: Ack … ugh. No.

Post: Video claiming great decoying action.

Grandpa: A bird hasn't decoyed unless it puts its wings back and feet down and attempts to land in your spread. Divers strafing past at Mach 2 or mallards passing over at 45 yards do not constitute decoying. I'm not saying those are bad shots. They just ain't decoying birds.

Post: Entry from the Duck Blogger titled How to Wing-Shoot.

Grandpa: I'd better go get my hip boots. It's getting deep.

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